I love nudie pics from people in my inbox :)

YAY I HAVE 3 MINUTES TO TYPE

I have a lot of difficulty typing when I'm on ambien. Right now I want to talk about the hot sex that Don and Ariel are going to have once they start sexing. I want them to have babies, and they will be like little shrek babies, and Don will be Shrek and Ariel can be Fiona. It's PERFECT. Lots of Disney sex and Ariel's little Don babies. Yay!!!!

Pictured: hawtness

I AM HIGH ON AMBIEN SO THIS MIGHT SOUND A LITTLE WEIRD

I havent posted in a long time, like, a week, and i need to post more than that.


After checking on Ava, the ninjas were following me in the hallway so I ran ran ran ran ran fast to get away from them and then I was on top of Christo and he has demon eyes and they scare me so I scratched him and yeah.


I want Drew to show me her jedi ways but she thinks that I am just high and that she is not magnificent. She is. She made tie dye shirts for her kids! That's amazing.

I just popped my ear, thats a pain in the ass.

All of my friends are out at parties tonight and I'm glad I'm not out at parties because they are usually really boring and I don't get nearly fucked up enough and there is too much stress and it's just bleh. I need good fun. I should smoke some. I wonder if I could wake up Christo and make him smoke with me. That would be terrific.


Dude I'm practically married to Christo 4rlz. We just need to get all this superficial material shit done with, the engagement blab blab blab and then the wedding oh gah and then yeah... thats like so far away. Can't I just be like, yeah he's my husband, what of it?'

Cuz dats wat it is, yo.


Holy shit I shouldn't do this when I'm high.

Well Hello There

Good morning 7:30 AM. It's been awhile since we've hung out like this. Let me tell you all about night.

Last night, somehow, I ended up in some honky-tonk bar in the middle of Georgia, with my friends buying me drinks, because I'm awesome. It was karaoke night, so of course there was plenty of Elton John, Beatles and AC/DC playing. The bar was rick-rolled, once. My friends Robb, Caitlyn, Michelle and of course, the most awesome ever, Slagathor a.k.a. Lindsey were there. I was drinking Bud Light for the first hour or so, because I'm not huge on getting wasted when I have shit-tons of crap errands to run the next day. Also, Christo is not fond of me staying out at all hours of the night, so I try to make it home a decent hour.

After about two or three hours into 90's music showdown, I wanted to perk up a bit. I'm a bit of a bore when I don't have much to talk about and when I'm not interested in getting in EVERYONE'S drama. I decided to get my favorite drink ever right now, Sex on the Beach. Somehow in there I spilled my Reeses pieces into the bottom of my purse, and decided (because I don't like melted chocolate all over my nicest purse) to take everything out, and reorganize it in the middle of the bar. Much fun. Some of the assorted (random) things I found in my purse included: TWO earrings, from different sets, that didn't have their match in the bag, TWO baby nail clippers, hand sanitizer (gas stations, ew), sunglasses, wallet, cards that belong in the wallet all over the place, my pink pepper spray that Christo bought me for Christmas, crayons, a binky, two cell phones, a toll pass, spare change, makeup that I haven't used in FOREVER, a couple pens, lipgloss and cherry chapstick. I'm like Mary Poppins, housewife edition.

This is a cute squirrel.

Anywho, after removing all the stray candy, I stuffed my bag and started chain smoking, bad. I do this when I'm a tad bit inebriated, mostly because I think I need an oral fixation to distract myself, or make myself focus, IDK. I met some cool folks, had a few more drinks, and met the folks that work at the bar. (Super cool people, let me tell ya.)

The bar stayed open pretty late, and then the crew decided to head to Caitlyn's house. Lindsey wanted to go there, and I was pretty toasted so I tagged along, because Lindsey was my ride. We went to Krystal's and OH MY GOD, NEVER HAVE I EVER TASTED SOMETHING SO DELICIOUS.

Pictured: Orgasm in your mouth. 4srs.

Lindsey ordered 50 million cheeseburgers, boxes of fries and a couple cokes. DID YOU KNOW THAT KRYSTAL'S BURGERS COME IN BOXES?!?!?! Not just wrapped up in recycled robot poop, but in little nifty boxes so they just peek out at you as if to say "Hello, I'm going to give you the best experience you've ever had in your mouth in your life, ever." And you can't turn that down.

Finally we made it to Caityn's house, everyone had beers while I choked down my orgasm burger, coke and menthols. It was lots of super fun, lots of talk about music and bands that are long dead and the regular dose of drama. Somehow, it ended up being like 6 AM, and I started freaking out bad, because Christo has to leave for work at 7 AM and I don't know what traffic is like that early in the morning. I made Lindsey come back to life and forced her to drive me home, while she talked to people through her car. Because her car is a SPACESHIP. (It even has fancy little light buttons and stuff.) Unfortunately, Lindsey drives like a grandma and was practically going 45 for the whole drive, making me more panicked. Luckily, Christo didn't call her phone until about 5 minutes from my exit and I made it home, safe and sound.

So that was my fun night, now 8 AM. I'm going to go choke on some dish-washing fluid and dryer lint now, because I have to get this house ready for the party Saturday night. I'm sure I'll see you again soon.

Love ya bunches,
Snarky

The Stinky Dilemma

I have a kitten named Stinky Jane. She's all but a few months old and she holds her own against the two older boy kitties (Rio & Socks). I got her as a gift just before Mother's Day from Christo, because I wanted a girl kitty, and I desperately wanted a tortoise shell or orange tabby. Rio is our white cat, Socks is a dark tabby with white socks and Stinky is... well... to put it nicely, she looks like a a feral cat that desperately wanted to be an orange housekitty. I found her on Craigslist, the person that listed the litter said they were about 8 weeks old. She looked like a gray and orange tortoise in the picture, alongside her orange brothers and sisters. When I picked her up, she was tiny and could fit in the palm of my hand. Also, she wasn't a tortie.

Definitely not a tortie.

On the car ride home, I was trying to think of what to name her. I wanted to name her something cute, like Itty Bitty or Tiny or something. But on that short car ride home, she had AWFUL gas. (I would later learn that this is what makes her unique.) I threatened to name her Stinky if she farted one more time, and lo and behold, she did.

When I got home, I was so excited to play with her, and took several pictures of her. She was litterbox trained and very, very playful and loving. The boys were not too excited about this new intruder, but after a day or two, they warmed up to her. Socks has taken the fatherly role with her, and Rio is the big brother. Stinky never really wanted to play with Maggie, the obnoxious basset hound mix.

Stinky's name is quite fitting, because her gas is very distinguished, sour and offensive. It can be smelled from a room away. She was known for coming into a room, farting, and walking out of the room like she didn't do it. She did this a lot when she was very young, when she still cuddled with me at night or on slow mornings.

When she was younger, Stinky would sleep on my chest every chance she got. She was constantly begging for attention, and would greet me as soon as I walked in the door. Now that she's older, like a teenager, she wants to rebel against me and chooses to do whatever she wants. Just the other day, she came into my room while I was sleeping, and pawed/dug her claws into me for a good hour. She was very persistent, too. I would roll over, covering myself up with blanket, and she would find a new patch of bare skin to sink her claws into. Eventually I started throwing her off the bed, and she would come back and go right back at it. I'm sure this was her way of waking me up so I would go fill her food bowl.

Stinky's latest feat of defiance has come in the form of poop. She apparently is not happy with the new placement of the litter box, and as a big FU to me, she poops directly outside of her litter box. Having three cats, the litter box is cleaned every other day or so. She is fully capable of using the litter box, but because it's in a high traffic area, she refuses to use it.

Proof: Stinky knows how to use a litter box.

I guess I'm going to have to move the litter box back into a suitable place for Stinky, because I really don't want to be playing limbo with a finicky cat.

Pillowig.

Short-Term Goals and Pencil Sharpeners

After reading a couple how-to blogs and brainstorming Sunday night, I decided that I was going to set a few short-term goals for myself. One of which was to start being more productive. That led to me getting off my ass and start cleaning. I vacuumed, picked up toys/clothes/trash, collected dishes strewn around the house, wiped surfaces, organized things and then I did this:

Pictured: desk with stuff on it

This desk was abused and neglected for months. The poor thing was covered in junk and old mail, left sitting in the corner of my bedroom collecting dust. I brought it out into the living room, wiped it off and found a new home for all the junk that had been sitting on it for months. For now, I use it as an office area. Which brings me to my second goal:

I want to pick up where I left off with my art. I've got a sketch pad that has countless empty pages begging for a little creative touch. I have a dresser that I began painting last year, that has been stuffed in the kids' closet, with only two or three of the drawers actually being used. It's a phenomenal piece, and I can't wait to get started on it/finish it. I wonder what other mediums or projects I will pick up. The creativity of an artist never dies, it reinvents itself in new ways. My creativity never went away, it started appearing in the food I cook, the apartment I live in, the photos I took, the events that I planned and my daily thoughts. 


But the one thing that is missing from my desk, that I so desperately want, is one of these:

That's fancy looking, ain't it?

A pencil sharpener. But these bastards can get pretty expensive, some over $100, and don't even get me started on the "vintage" pencil sharpeners. Christ.


But once I get rich and famous from my awesome art, I won't have to worry about $400 pencil sharpeners.